a bridge.

Sometimes we fall out of words
and into
feeling
and sometimes I lose touch and then
there is nothing
that I can express
there is
nothing between us,

We are one sometimes
[ - and we are two - ]
we are full and separate and
still lacking
then sometimes we know each other too well
and I cannot cope with that
cannot cope with the way you form words as
though they are air
but mine are like fruit
that grew in me way too long
that are beautiful [maybe] and fresh and perfect or sometimes
they are dirty, they are rotten sticky foul and

harsh

I wish I hadn't said them sometimes
But they are part of me and now they are a part of you,
and you make them air,
so that they can fade fade fade.


I think sometimes about
the days I spent
in-pain and a-lone
and I think maybe those days
could be like words,
letters that do not hold meaning,
seconds, too, that are not about feeling,
but how can I tell you about

Agony and violence and starvation

[and the hunt for blood and escaping from fear and seawaves that roll around you and push you down, head first, heart first drown you in infinate-ness, and so wanting to be empty, to float - the way that guilt consumes you until it becomes control control control – how can I tell you ]

Without words, without seconds minutes hours –
I cannot tell you no not really
it is something you know,

Although the ownership is oh so tiring
& I wouldn't wish it on you,

It's the only way to know me so maybe
[You should starve yourself til we can count ribs like old friends
and you should break the skin that traps you, you should,  and maybe
maybe the world is safer when you know it like this -]

you shouldn't try to know me at all.


but its two years on
and its too late now to stop
you
-
so I suppose we have to talk sometimes about
the way I am was keep trying to be
but I know you don't belong there because its like I've built a bridge I'll never cross just so that
on those days when
[you want to know]
we talk about it
you can stand and look out across my world
and see the blades and missed meal times and
hopefulness

And maybe you can still understand that way maybe you can,
I hope.