Separation and Satelites.

When I get stressed I draw you, head to toe.
I write you into my sheets, rant out loud in tears and blood and absent minded dreams.
I tell you all the things I want to say [but can't because they'd break our heart, and then we'd both be dead].
I shout through the thick walls of silence to you, tell you I'm not alright.
But its okay. I can stand it. I tell you I'm strong,
cause I want you to test it.
I tell you I'm mysterious because
you figuring out how normal I am
will be the biggest adventure of your life.
I tell you I can't breathe
and know you don't believe me cause
you want to know I have more control than you do.

When I get scared, I hold the heart shaped rocks you got me, I wear your clothes,
and three thousand pieces of string and ribbon about my body.
If this doesn't quench the shaking, I strip from my waist down, examine the scars and write poems over every one you've kissed.
And then, when I run out of skin, I put on my high heels and walk the rooftops - hoping I'll get high enough to reach you.


I take all the staples out of the stapler, cause hurting myself should take longer; be harder.
I call an old friend just to say 'I-am-sorry' because I don't like to know that what I don't know can hurt them [ and ohsofrequently it does.  ]

When I get sad, I think of fire and quicksand and you finding-the-bridge.
I think of snowflakes and cotton doves and dingo-boxes.


[And then I miss you. <3]